Lost in Rome

Roma 20142“I’m kind of worried,” said Deborah, scanning Piazza Navona one more time. “She’s like two hours late.”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine,” Omar reassured her. The newlyweds watched the crowd shift and change around the elaborate water fountain with the mini-Washington monument and creepy drowning horse sticking up out of the middle.

“Did she check a bag? Maybe it got lost.”

Deborah shook her head. “Wouldn’t she have messaged us if she was stuck at the airport?”

“She could be stuck in traffic on the bus or something.”

“Maybe.” Deborah bit her lip. “Maybe she went to the apartment first and saw we weren’t there and went looking for us…”

“Should I go back and check for her?” Omar offered. Deborah shook her head again.

“I don’t know,” she said. “But this is Mary, so most likely she’s lost and confused somewhere out there.”

And lo, 500 yards away, just around the corner and sitting in a sidewalk café, I was on the verge of tears and desperately trying to get a signal on my phone.

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Things I think on the bus

train!I’m not used to public transportation. I’m not used to having literally several hours a day where my mind doesn’t have to worry about navigating highways, handling social encounters or just about anything else. My mind has never experienced the freedom that comes with sitting on a bus. It has thusly spread its wings (and yes, I’m pretty sure I just made up the word “thusly”), it has expanded, it is now – you might say – a free-range animal. Based on feedback that has trickled in from my more critical acquaintances (read: my sisters), I apparently think odd things. So I have been keeping a loose record of things that cross my mind when I’m en-route. If you think even half of these are legitimate questions, support me and wandering-minds around the world.
“How long would it take a giant snail to cross Prague?”
“If I look lïke I know what I’m doing, maybe people won’t judge me.”
“If I look really pathetic and lost, maybe people won’t judge me.”
“If I look like I don’t care, maybe people won’t judge me.”
“How far can I go on this bus before I have to admit I don’t know where I am?”
“What’s the difference between ‘pillage’ and ‘plunder’?”
“How hard would it be to get a dead body on and off this bus without people noticing?”
“Is there a ‘D’ in ‘coagulate’?”
“Why does my ear hurt?”
“Meryl Streep’s doppleganger looks a lot meaner than Colin Farrel’s.”
“Why don’t guys obsess over shoes as much as girls do?”
“Are peas a vegetable?”
“Has the ink in this pen always been blue?”
“Am I the only one who smells corned beef and cabbage right now? Is that not making anyone else hungry?”
“Is there a right way to stand next to someone who’s sitting?”
“How many rabbits live in Prague?”
“Where do buses refuel?”
“Do all bus drivers start out mean or do they get that way over time?”
“That girls shoes look super cute – I wonder if they hurt more than mine do…”
“How high is a stack of one hundred pancakes?”

Ugly Mondays

life cant handleI am an expert in the field of Mondays. I know all about them. I’ve lived through a couple real toughies. The thing about Mondays is that it takes us away from our free time and family time. It’s the less than grandiose welcoming of what, for most of us, will be a long week of tough jobs, gas lights, electricity bills, homework, and cooking meals you have no energy to eat let alone prepare. (I lost the battle with my freshman fifteen the minute I realized eating ice cream from the tub demanded significantly less effort than making myself toast or eggs or basically anything that requires more than a spoon*).

*I did eventually get the eating habits under control and now, independently and of my own accord, maintain a mostly balanced diet. Adulthood doesn’t come with one leap – baby steps.

But this last year has been pretty “Monday” free. Maybe this is because I love my job or maybe because the hardest day of the week for me is consistently Thursdays so Mondays are more of a light-weight in the ring.

I was definitely due for a hair-pulling, teeth-grating, hand-wringing, gut-churning Monday. I got one.

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